Until I Think of Something Better...

 I will state for the millionth time, "I am not prone to exaggeration."  I don't know why everyone on the planet makes this accusation.

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I enjoy spying on paranoid people.  It gives their delusions merit.

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When it rains, tall people are always the first to get wet.  But fat people get wetter.

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Bumper sticker: "I Brake for Lawsuits"

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I have become obsessed with food.  I even dream about hot dogs chasing donuts.

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Old joke time:

There was a man named Benny who was walking along a beach and came upon a lantern.  Benny rubbed the lantern and a genie appeared.  The genie said that he would grant him any wish as long as Benny obeys the single rule of the lamp: Never shave.  Benny thought this was a great deal.  He could have any wish and all he had to do was grow a beard.  Benny agreed and asked that his wallet would never run out of money.  The genie said a few magic words and "Poof," Benny's wallet had an inexhaustible supply of twenty dollar bills.

For the next several years, Benny bought anything he desired, and his beard grew long.  At first, Benny did not mind having a beard, but after ten years, his beard was dragging on the ground.  A few years more and Benny had to use a wheelbarrow to haul his beard.  Twenty five years of beard growth and Benny could stand it no longer.  He figured the genie would have forgotten about him by now, so he took a chance and shaved off his beard.

As soon as Benny's beard was gone, the genie reappeared.  The genie told Benny how disappointed he was. How he would have to punish Benny for not keeping up his end of the bargain.  So with a few more magic words, the genie turned Benny into a coffee urn.

The end.

Wait.  There is a moral to this story:  "A Benny shaved is a Benny urn."

That's it for now.