Whats Up, Doc?

I went to the doctor today.  Every time I go I weigh five pounds more than my previous visit. I definitely got to quit going to the doctor.

Statistically, there are more old drunks than old doctors.  I should live to a very old age.  I have the odds on my side.

Dirty joke time...

Doctor tells patient, "You have to stop masturbating."

Patient says, "But why, Doc?"

Doctor replies, "It interferes with the examination."

Henny Youngman joke...

"Doctor gave me six months to live.  I told him I couldn't pay his bill that fast.  He gave me another six months."

Another dirty joke...

Woman tells her doctor, "That Kentucky Jelly you gave me tastes terrible."

Doctor replies, "Not Kentucky, its KY Jelly!"

The bill for surgery is highway robbery and they know it.  That's why the doctors wear masks.

And finally...

Medical history was made today.  Baby Joey was born without eyelids.  Doctors, after performing circumcision on the boy, used the foreskin to create eyelids.  The operation was successful and praised throughout most of the medical community.  The few dissenters were quick to state they worry that Joey may grow up to be cockeyed.