Monday, June 6, 2011

Hair I Go Again

I want to know what in the hell is happening with my eyebrows.  There are several hairs on each one that grow as fast as weeds.  About 5 or 6 hairs that group together and spiral upwards forming strange curls on my forehead.  I can lick my fingertips and smooth them down, but this is only a momentary fix until I grimace or smile.  I even tried hairspray to keep my  eyebrow hairs contained in the eyebrow area.  A few expressions later and the wild hairs are curling up again.

So why not cut them?  For some reason, the long hairs of my eyebrows have taken the place of the shorter hairs to the outside.  If I flatten the long hairs, my eyebrows appear normal.  If I was to cut them to the proper length, then the outside of my eyebrow area would be hairless.  It would look as if I had shaved them from the center on out, leaving little half inch strips on each side of the bridge of my nose.

I may have a solution.  If I were to let the wild eyebrow hair grow out a couple inches, and do the same with my newly acquired ear lobe hair, I could tie the two together.  That way my eyebrows would be held to their designated shape and I would have at last found a use for this tangle of lobe whiskers.  Since I'm on the subject of facial hair, I should mention the nose.  With nasal hair you can comb it down into your mustache and blend it in.  You can fool people into thinking your mustache is thicker than it really is.

Speaking of mustaches, Oliver Hardy, Charlie Chaplin, and Adolph Hitler all wore the same style mustache.  Two out of the three famous people were comedians.  Both Chaplin and Hardy wore the style before Hitler.  So why is it when someone wears that type of mustache today, we only associate it with Hitler?  It is considered politically incorrect to wear this facial hair design.  It's a shame that Adolph had to spoil the unique style for everyone else.  He also ruined the name Hitler.  Try to find a Barry Hitler or Susan Hitler or a Little Mikey Hitler anywhere on the planet.   No can do.  Now try checking a 1920 New York City phone book.  Fourteen listings for Robert Hitler alone.

Muttonchops is another facial hair style that is hardly being grown anymore.  I wonder if this is because "muttonchops" sounds like something you would order at a Steak House.  "Yes, I'll have the muttonchops medium rare, with the baked potato and a side of cole slaw."

I will leave you with one last look at a unique mustache.

"You're looking swell, Dali.."

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