And I Said To Myself...

I will try writing on my Blog again.  Now I only need to think of a subject.
(Just type, John.  Something will occur to you.)
Great, now I'm talking to myself.
(No, you're not.  You're typing to yourself.)
Fine.  I'm typing to myself!
(You trying to be sarcastic?  You can't pull that off on the keyboard.  Just type without being a smartass.  Think you can do that?)
Hey.  You don't have to be so critical.  After all, you'll end up only insulting yourself.
(Look, if I'm not hard on you, then who will be?)
Linda!
(Don't make me laugh.  She thinks you're Mark Twain, Kurt Vonnegut and Elmore Leonard all rolled up into one.)
Those are just a bunch of dead guys.
(You know what I mean...)
I doubt if Linda knows who Kurt Vonnegut was.  They didn't turn too many of his books into movies.
(That...)
In fact, if it hasn't been printed on a store coupon, Linda hasn't read it.
(Whoa.  Ease up on Linda there.)
Sorry.
(I'm not the one who needs your apology.)
I'm not gonna say 'sorry' to Linda.  She doesn't know about any of this.  That'd be just causing trouble for no reason.
(Spineless bastard...)
Oh what, you're gonna shame me into apologizing to Linda?
(Feckless cur...)
Feckless?
(It's a word.  Look it up.)
I know it's a word.  I just didn't know I knew it.  Sometimes I amaze myself.
(You trying to change the subject?)
Okay, fine.  I'll go apologize to Linda.  If I'm not right back, then that means we had a fight and I went off to get drunk.

(Don't worry, Readers, John should be right back.)

(Anytime now...)