Saturday, November 27, 2010

Astral Projection

I can always tell when Christmas is near because my liquor is suddenly packaged in a box containing two free glasses.  The glasses always appear ready to use, but Linda insists I wash them first.  I'll splash a few drops of water inside, give a quick twirl, and hope I have met the standards of Linda's discriminating eye.  If I have not, she will snatch the glass from my hand and wash it herself.  Hell, I'm just gonna pour booze in it.  Everyone knows that alcohol kills germs.

In any case, tonights mode of inebriation is Saint Brendan's Irish Creme Liqueur.  Perhaps not as respected as Bailey's, just a smidgen above Carolan's rating.  Still, a pleasant way to dull ones wit.  To assure you I am responsible dipsomaniac, I have made it clear that if I happen to start slurring this text, I have appointed Linda as my designated typist.  Her nightly drink is ice water.  No booze for her.  We all can sigh in relief.

Time to let imagination fly.  Not like a bird nor a plane, but like an OOBE.  Raise your hands if you know what OOBE stands for.   Keep them up, also.  Someone will be right over with a cookie for you.  OOBE is a anagram for a term meaning astral projection:  Out Of Body Experience.  The most common type of OOBE is when a person dies, but only for a moment.  He or she will get the feeling that they are floating out of their body and towards a bright light.  Yet, it is not the only way to have the experience.  Yogi's (as in masters of yoga.  Not as in a bear, or a Yankee catcher.) claim to go so deep in meditation that they will leave their bodies and fly around the planet, checking up on their friends, or political leaders, or maybe sneaking into movies or hovering over nudist camps.   Basically, they can go wherever they want.  No holds barred.  They have been tested scientifically and the results weigh in their favor.  If OOBE is some sort of parlor trick, no one has been able to debunk it.

Well I'm sitting here with my feet propped up on opposite knees, back arched straight, and eyes shut tight.  My arms are crossed my chest, and the pulse of my being is slowing down.  As my breathing becomes barely detectable, I feel my inner self rise.  I can look down and see myself sitting posed.  I have the ability to soar, to traverse across the continent, the seas, foreign shores...  Any destination is possible.  If I wish I could visit other planets, other galaxies, other universes and dimensions.

As I ready to take flight to destinations unknown, I give my body a final glance and notice that on the table next to me, my glass is empty.  This will not do.  Quickly I rejoin my physical self and bring about my awakening.  I take the glass to the kitchen, add ice cubes, and refill with Irish Creme.  My journey to strange lands are put off for another week.  I will make plans for next Saturday for an OOBE.  Maybe I'll visit the bottling plant of Saint Brendan's.   It's a shame that OOBEs do not allow gathering of souvenirs.

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