Wednesday, February 9, 2011

I Read the News Today, Oh Boy...

In California a man was killed by his own cock. Now, keep your mind out of the gutter, cock is a rooster. Jose Luis Ochoa armed his rooster by strapping knives to its talons. The purpose was to enter the bird in a cockfight at an advantage. Well, the rooster was no cheat and he let his master know this by slicing open Jose's leg. Jose bled to death. The cock is now in police custody. The district attorney hinted that this may not be the bird's first homicide and stated that they are once again looking into the 1980 death of Colonel Sanders, and also have reopened the 1983 Kentucky Fried Chicken murders.

In other news; Charlie Sheen has spent over two million dollars to have sex with porn stars last year. If I were to throw away one week's salary like that, Linda would never let me hear the end of it.

In Egypt, the people are still protesting. Don't worry, I won't make a pun about how their current political system sphinx. Viva la revolution!

Lindsay Lohen is once again in the news. Actually, this would be more astounding if she wasn't in the news. Her newest exploits has her being charged with grand theft for borrowing a $2500 necklace from a jewelry store. She really should have told someone she was borrowing it. I'm certain it only slipped her mind.

"Fed's Ben Bernanke says he's not worried about inflation" reads one headline. Oh course he isn't worried, he can afford the rising costs. Now if only the rest of the country could make that claim.

On a happier note, Gabrielle Giffords is regaining her ability to speak. I'd love to see her fully recover and then debate Sarah Palin.

Barbara Bush, George W's daughter, stated that "Everyone should have the right to marry the person that they love." Who'd have thought that a Bush could have a worthwhile thought.

In Sports, Lawyers have filed a lawsuit against the Super Bowl because of a seating shortage. If you are one of the thousand people who were refused their seats for the game, you should make about $3300 from the suit. If you are the lawyer who's filing the suit, you will make $1,650,000. The moral here is: The next time you feel like attending a sporting event, go to a law library instead. You will win out in the end.

That's all the news for now.

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