Monday, February 7, 2011

Typical Spousal Dispute

Trying to remember the actress who was "American Beauty." I'm telling Linda her name was Mea Savali or Mila Savoli. Linda insists that it was not Mira Sorvino. I agree, it was not Paul Sorvino's daughter Mira. I was talking about Mia Savilo or Mina Savora. Linda insists that I am referring to Mira Sorvino and I am wrong about her being in "American Beauty." I tell her the actress who I am trying to recall was the teenage cheerleader that enamored Kevin Spacey. Her name is something like Milo Sarivo or Mara Silverado. Linda claims no such actress exists.

This is my life such as it is. Linda and I banter back and forth for a half hour before we let the internet tell us the truth. I go to and enter "American Beauty" in the search field. The page comes up and we scroll down to see who played what roles. The high school cheerleader character was named Angela Hayes and the actress who portrayed her was Mena Suvari. AHA!

Linda says, "I told you it wasn't Mira Sorvino."

"I never said it was. Her name is Mena Suvari. That's who I was talking about. I was right."

"You were wrong!"

"No I wasn't. I said just about every combination of her name that I could think of."

Linda makes a buzzer sound. "BRRR... Wrong! You never said Mena Suvari. You were trying to say Mira Sorvino."

"No, I wasn't. I even said I wasn't talking about Mira Sorvino."

"NOW you say it. You didn't say it before."

"What are you talking about? You know damn well I was trying to say Mena Suvari."

"It's not that hard a name to say. You should not pretend to have said something you didn't. Who do you think you're fooling?"

"I'm not trying to fool anybody. I just want some credit for being correct."

"But you weren't correct. You even said you got her mixed up with Mira Sorvino. Now you want to change your story."

"Look I know who Mira Sorvino is. I always liked her movies. I would not mix her up with someone else."

"Then why did you?"

Totally frustrated by this silly argument, I say, "Fine. Have it your way. You win."

"Well then admit what you did."

"Look this isn't a crime. There's nothing to admit. Let's drop it."

"As soon as you say you were wrong."

There is stubborn streak in me that I have to overcome. I am breathing hard through my nose and squeezing my eyes shut. Slowly I say, "I was wrong. I never said Mira Suvari's name. I may have come close, but I never pronounced her name correctly."

"And..." Linda prods on.

"And nothing. That's the whole thing."

"What about Mira Sorvino?"

"What about her?"

"Admit you were wrong to say she was in "American Beauty.""

"I never said she was."

"Only because you couldn't think of her name."

AARRGG! This will definitely go down in the annals of "Stupid Linda/John Arguments." It may even surpass the "Great Keith David - David Keith Debacle" of 1998.


  1. Oh my gosh! It is not just me and my man who play this game. What did we do before there was Google? I guess it was The New York Public Library reference room...