Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Dogs Day

March has arrived.  Let the madness begin.

A rabbi walks into a bar.  The rabbi says, "Ow!  Where that bar come from?"

Speaking of the bar.  I was sitting up at the local watering hole with a few friends when I was asked "Do you know what a protégé is?"   I am not one to pass up an opportunity.  I responded, "Yes, its someone in favor of tégé."

The closest I ever cane to having a protégé is owning a dog.  Not the dog I currently have.  The one prior.  It was an Alaskan malamute that I had named Zushi. (rhymes with hush-ee).  I had taken Zushi under wing and taught it everything I could.  She was a very smart dog.  When she begged, she held a plate in her mouth and she  would say "pretty please."  This is true.  Of course, it wasn't actual words but she grunted out a near facsimile.  I wanted to teach her how to drive a car, but she could not work the pedals and see over the dash at the same time.  Oh, well, at least we gave it try.

The dog we have now is named Roxy.  If Zushi and Roxy were alive at the same time, and were attending the same school, it would be a safe bet that Roxy would ride the short bus to get there.  I also believe that Roxy has a masochistic attitude towards me.  She is constantly leaving toys and bones in places where I step.  She has turned the backyard into a minefield of trip holes.  And she also scoots between my legs when I walk as if in attempt to stumble me.  Lately she has taken up the habit of staring at me from other rooms.  This is quite disconcerting.  I'll be in the kitchen and look towards the hallway where I see Roxy steadfast with her eyes fixated on me.  She uses the hallway as her observation deck.  While I'm lying in bed, she'll be peeking at me through the doorway.  If I am not careful to completely close the bathroom door, she will push it open with her snout and stare.  Because it is so hard to determine a dog's expression, I can never tell if she is looking at me with fascination or disdain.  If I should ever mysteriously disappear, please have the police interrogate Roxy.  It is well within her capabilities to dig a grave.

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