Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Gasoline Malady

Well I filled up the gas tank today.  Had to re-mortgage the house and promise to turn over one of my granddaughters.  The gas in my car is now worth more than my car.  But on the bright side, I finally have a day I can look back at with melancholia.

Let me try my hand at a few jokes:

In order to keep his fleet gassed up, Jay Leno has his Tonight Show salary direct deposited to Exxon.

The crime rate has increased with the price of gasoline.  I had to hire an armed guard for my lawnmower.

To conserve gasoline, car pooling has become car pushing.

Everyone complains about the price of gas.  Even Charlie Sheen has gone from "WINNING" to "WHINING."

Oh, well, I gave it a shot.  I'll never get a job writing for Laugh-In.  (You bet your sweet bippy, I won't.)  I got  twelve points for the first person to name the announcer on Laugh-In.  Plus an additional twelve points if you can tell me a connection between that announcer and General Custer.

Back to gas talk.  Forty years ago, I was in high school and was also a pump jockey for Kayo Gasoline.  I was paid the minimum wage, $1.25 hour, and the cost of gasoline was 35 cents a gallon.  Today, the minimum wage is $7.40 hour and gasoline is over $4.00 a gallon.  In 1971, one hour of work could buy you three gallons of gas and you'd have change left over.  Today, one hour of work will not purchase two gallons. If you want to take the time, you could compare 1971 prices to today's.  I guarantee you will find when you compare wages over purchasing power, that it's cheaper to live in the past.

So I have made up my mind, to the past I shall return.  I don't know how I'll get there, but at least I have a new goal in my life.  One of my favorite parts of the past, is that I am so much younger there.  I really like that.  I'll write more later.  Unless, of course, if I wake up in the 70's, then I will write more earlier.

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