Sunday, May 1, 2011

May Greetings

May 1st.  No maypole in sight.  What's with these kids today?  Too busy tweeting to dance around the maypole?  When I was a kid... (hmm?  Didn't have a maypole either.)

Well, when I was a kid, we wished we had a maypole, whatever that is.  I tell you, it wasn't easy growing up like it is today.  Television was in black and white.  And if you wanted to change the channel, you had to get up and walk over to the set and do it manually.  That's how I got my exercise when I was a kid.  I was my father's remote control.  And if you think that dial was easy to turn, you better take another think.  You had to put every muscle of your being into clicking that dial.  Life was hard!  Once you changed the channel, then you had to adjust the antenna.  You think a Rubic's Cube is complicated?  Ha!  Try fine tuning a television signal with rabbit ears.  You have to balance yourself like an acrobat on one foot, extending your other leg at a painful angle, while touching the aluminum rods in a very specific pattern; every other finger on one hand touching near the base, and thumb of the other hand touching the tip of the second rabbit ear.  The rabbit ears would have to spread at precisely 59 degrees and face in a north by north-east direction.  You would have to keep moving your extended leg back and forth to keep pace with the wavering signal.  And all that was just for channel 2.  The other channels all had different combinations.  And there were no instructions.  You had to figure all this out on your own.  In my case, I had to figure it out quick.  

Too slow tuning in a station and it was strop time.  You never had a spanking unless you were spanked with a razor strop.  These things were designed to sharpen straight razors.  My father had a strop, but not a straight razor.  The strop came from his father, who may or may not have had a straight razor.  I heard the stories of how my grandfather would take my father out to the woodshed for punishment.  We may not have had the woodshed, but Grampa did pass the strop down to my father.  Thanks a lot, Gramps.  Today, if you tried to spank your kids with a strop, Protective Services would be hauling your butt to jail before you could get the first whack in.  And it would be your own kid turning you in.  Who do you think he tweeted while you were looking for the strop?  He probably made some reward money off it, too.

So, the whole point of this post was to point out we have started a new month.  I got to quit going off on these tangents.  It's May!  The April showers should be over and flowers blooming.  We are at the height of Spring fever.  Love is in the air. (I always wondered about that expression.  Is that a reference to pheromones?)  The clouds are parting and the sun is smiling down.  Time to leave your coat in the closet and run barefoot across the lawn.  Yes, the weather is finally taking our side. Go outside and enjoy life.

I'd write more, but "America's Funniest Home Videos" is about to start.  Talk to you later.

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