Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Nighttime Adventure

I was so busy straightening out rainbows and hurtling them at fictional characters, that I hadn't notice the moonbeam sneak up behind me to slap the back of my head. The SHMAK!! sound echoed in my ears as my vision doubled. I turned to face the moonbeam and instead found a naked Nicole Kidman. She smiled and leapt into my arms. We tumbled backwards onto a king size bed made with glass sheets. The sheets shattered and slivers of glass tore at my back. Nicole had turned into Nancy Reagon, revelling in her 90 year old birthday suit, with makeup that look as if applied by a blind child. My blood pooled up around me, dunking my head. I held my breath, looking up through the redness to see Nancy laughing with maniacal glee. Skeletal arms reached up and grabbed me around the waist. The bony arms pulled me through the mattress and I was in a free fall miles above the earth. As the planet rapidly approached, Daffy Duck flew next to me saying "That's all folks!" I accuse the duck of plagerising Porky Pig and he lays a giant egg. I am falling with this giant egg falling beside me, and I see a door appear on the egg. The door opens and the Hunchback of Notre Dame reaches out and pulls me inside just before I hit the earth. No longer falling, the inside of the egg is huge. I am in the middle of a playground. Quasimodo starts swinging on the jungle gym. I look up to the sky and see the egg falling directly towards me. I look for the door that brought me into this playground and it is gone. The shadow of the egg circles around me. I am too scared to look up because I know that as soon as I do, the giant egg will land on me, squashing me flat. I can hear sound of a bomb falling, just like the sound in all those old war movies. I curl up in the fetal position and close my eyes tight, waiting for certain death. There's a tap on my shoulder, and I peek up to see Nicole Kidman once again. She is no longer naked. She is wearing a dominatrix outfit of skin tight black leather, and knee high boots with spiked heels. Her smile hinting at her intended evil. She motions to her left and I look there to see Quasimodo and Nancy Reagan gratifying each other with oral delights; a hideous performance so completely nauseating yet impossible to look away. Nicole bends down and grabs me by the hair. She yanks my head in her direction. She asks if I am ready to join in. I scream "No" as everything dissolves away and I wake up safe in my own bed.

Enough about me. How'd you sleep last night?

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