Thursday, March 4, 2010


Are the squirrels taking over? I see them everywhere. I cannot drive 50 feet without spotting a squirrel at the curb staring at traffic. At the college where I am taking classes, the squirrels are so bold as to approach students and beg for food. Little panhandling bastards. I have seen squirrels gang up on single straggling students, force them into a corner, and demand something to eat. If the student does not have a treat to offer, the rodent will claw their pant legs. Next thing you know they will be carrying weapons. Small armies of squirrels packing switchblades and nunchucks.

A neighbor of mine thought he could make a pet out of squirrel. He would set food out for the animal. At first he put food in the middle of his back yard. The squirrel would eat it. He then proceded to place the food closer and closer to his back door, luring the animal nearer to where he waited. Finally, after several weeks, he was able to feed the animal from his own hand. My neighbor was so proud of this accomplishment. He was soon holding bits of food between his teeth allowing the squirrel to climb up his chest and eat the morsel. We call our neighbor "Lipless Bob."

I have a dog that is ever vigilant for squirrel invasions. If a squirrel enters our yard, it doesn't matter if its noon or 3am, our dog yelps out a warning at the top of her lungs. You can't imagine the number of times I've awaken from a sound sleep by my dog pouncing on my chest, barking her demand to be let outside for pursuit of the enemy.

I would be interested to know if there has been a dramatic increase in the squirrel population. Or perhaps the reason I have been noticing so many more is because they have been migrating from the woods into the suburbs. One squirrel would say to another, "Hey, Sid, let's get out of this forest and move to Center Line. It's a regular smorgasbord 24-7."

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