Thursday, April 7, 2011

The Bigger They Are...

I watched David Letterman last night and noticed that when he greeted Don Rickles, how much taller he was than Don.  This got me thinking about age and size.  You always see little old men and little old ladies.  They're everywhere.  There are so many that if you ever go near a pharmacy, you have to be careful where you step.  They seem to cluster around pharmacies and bingo halls.  Short people who have had 80 or more birthdays include Don Rickles, George Burns, Harry Morgan, Olivia DeHaviland, Regis Philbin. Yet, I cannot recall ever seeing a towering old man or lady.  As hard as I try, my mind cannot picture a person in their nineties that is over six feet in stature.  Now I am six foot three.  Does this mean I will not make it to an advanced age?  Or perhaps I will suddenly shrink a foot when I celebrate my eightieth birthday.

If I think about blood and how far in travels in the circulatory system, then I have to accept the fact that blood travels further in tall people.  So I guess it makes it some sort of sense that a short person person will outlive a taller one because their blood has traveled far less.  Kind of like which car will last longer; one that will daily go to the corner store for beer, or one that will drive cross town to make the same purchase.

Another thing tall people have against them is air supply.  The higher the altitude, the less oxygen available.  Oxygen is mostly created by the grass on our planet.  So who is gonna get first crack at it?  The shorties, that's who.  Us tall ones will have to settle for the leftovers.  And we have to use that smidgen to push our blood all those extra miles.  I tell you, this just does not seem fair.  Something should be done.  How about passing a law to ensure that everybody's nostrils are the same distance from the ground.  Short people can either wear platform shoes or use a snorkel to get their oxygen at the same level as the rest of us.  At least this would solve half the problem.  I'll try to think of a way to even up the distance blood travels at another time.  Right now I am going to end this so I can go shopping and buy Linda a snorkel.  There will be no more uneven oxygen consumption in this house!


  1. I don't think it's a matter of shortness or tallness. Tall people last too. I have seen a tall man lived up to 100years

  2. Isn't Peter O'Toole quite old and quite tall? Anyway, I guess I'll be outliving a few folks. HaHa, I get first crack at the grass! Don't feel bad, you get first shot at the oxygen produced by the trees!