Wednesday, April 20, 2011

A Hallmark Moment

I enter a local shop to purchase refreshments. All the refreshments worth their weight are kept behind the counter. You have to ask the sales clerk for the refreshment of your choice. He will get it off the shelf for you and ring it up. On display on the refreshment shelves is a sign that says in order to purchase these refreshments you must be born on or before today's date in 1990.



Wasn't that last week? Where has the time gone? When I look at the TV schedule to select a movie, if I see a movie was made in the 90s, I consider it a new release. There's a saying that goes, "Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer to the end, the faster it goes." I'm gonna have to start taking less sheets per use.

My mother died in 1991. That's twenty years ago this month. Hallmark doesn't make a card for that. Hallmark doesn't make cards for many anniversaries of occasions that I remember. Next month I will be a legal driver for 42 years. Bet no one sends me a card for that. I ate my first taco in March of 1977. Nobody said a word last month. I really felt the neglect.

This year is the 150th anniversary of the start of the Civil War. I have yet to receive a single apology from the south. Come on, Hallmark, how about a "You Northerners Were Right" or a "Sorry About the Slavery" card? If you come up with a card that says, "Sincerest Apologies For Leaving All the Dead Bodies Around," we can send it to the citizens of Gettysburg, and for a multi-purpose, we could also send the same card to the people of Normandy, Nagasaki, and Hiroshima. It's been 67 years since D-Day and 66 since the atomic bombings of Japan. Maybe, along with the cards, we could all chip in and send a nice fruit basket, too.

One year ago today, the Gulf of Mexico began the biggest oil spill in history. Wouldn't you like to receive a card from British Petroleum? Something that says, "Whoops. Sorry." I know I would. Maybe even get a couple bucks back for the increase on the price of gas. Now that would be nice!

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