Sunday, April 4, 2010

Eggs and such

Decided to blog an Easter Post. I have had my share of Easter eggs today. Easter eggs do not taste any different than ordinary hard boiled eggs, but "Blessed" Easter eggs seem to have a better taste. I know it does not make sense. Some priest sprinkling a few drops of water on a basket of ham, eggs and such, should not affect the flavor. Well, he also waves his hand in the basket's general direction and speaks some indecipherable Latin words. Maybe all the hoo-joo woo-joo makes it taste different.

I do not take a basket to church to be blessed. My neighbor does, and every Easter he treats us to blessed eggs, ham and bread. I have tried to get Linda to go to church in my stead, I have given her my proxy, but she refuses. What do you think about that? My better half would rather see my soul damned to an eternity of Hell than spend an hour a week praying for me. Jeez. Some people!

Anyway, I understand that the physical composition of eggs and ham can not be changed by religion. Although, I admit, I have not consulted a single scientist on this matter. And still I honestly think that the taste of blessed food is better than the identical non-blessed version. What a strange bird I must be. I am not, to any sense of the word, religous. The next time I am in church will be at the end of a shotgun being married, or in a casket as the end result of a shotgun because I wouldn't marry. On that day, the Armageddon begins.

By the way, I happen to know that when the world ends in 2012, I will not be one of the casualties. It was predicted by a Ouija board, at the start of my teenage years, I will not become a ghostly being until 2017. That means for five years after the rest of you say goodbye to this sphere of water and muck, I will be roaming the vast empty wilderness by my lonesome. I already have it planned to live out my days in a Wal-Mart. They have everything I would need; beds for sleep, canned goods for nourishment, and TV sets and entertainment systems with thousands of DVDs to keep my mind off the fact that I am the last man on earth.

So, after 2012, unless you are female, do not come knocking on my Wal-Marts. I will be busy watching the complete DVD sets of the Sopranos... or Bonanza... or Cheers... or Man From Uncle... or The L Word... or Frasier... or Buffy, the Vampire Slayer... etc... etc...

No comments:

Post a Comment