Saturday, January 29, 2011

A Couple of Sams, a Ben, and Me.

Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody...

(Well that's not entirely true; I have Roxy, my disobedient dog. I can't think of a way to apply that to this old Sam Cooke song.)

I got some money 'cause I just got paid...

(That's partly true; I did get an unemployment check this week.)

Oh how I wish I had some chick to talk to...

(Then I can host that new TV show: The Chick Whisperer.)

I'm in an awful way...

(At least I still got my health, as unhealthy as that may be.)


That concludes this evening's musical interlude. Now on with the show. Observe very closely; nothing up my sleeves, at no time does my fingers leave my hands. Pick a card, any card...

Okay, you got one? Make sure I can't see it. Now let me concentrate...

Mmmmm, I see that your card is one of four suits... And that suit is either black or red...

Ooh, this is harder than I thought. Put your card to your forehead and focus on the suit...

No. Not my tuxedo! The suit of your card!

Everyone be very quiet. Let me direct all my brain waves at your card... Ah, yes, the image is starting to become clear... It's getting clearer and clearer... Yes! I got it. Okay, now show me your card.

Yep, that's right. I predicted it correctly. Once again, I baffle the disbelievers.

Thank you for the applause. No, I can't tell you how I did it. Magician's secret.


So Ben Franklyn was sitting on a cold barroom floor rubbing his stomach when he came up with the idea for the pot bellied stove. The reason he was rubbing his stomach was because Samuel Adams had just punched him in the gut knocking him down. Franklyn had insulted Adams home brewed beer. Adams took great pride in his brewing. Everyone knew better than to insult Samuel Adams beer. Everyone, that is, except for Ben Franklyn. The truth of the matter was that Adams beer tasted like watered down hog swill. Nobody wanted to say anything about it to Samuel. The man was a brute and ready to fight at the slightest provocation. They should have warned Benjamin.

As Franklyn remained on the floor consumed with inventing the stove, Adams kicked him in the head, sending Ben's glasses flying. Paul Revere, standing next to the bar, looked away. He did not desire any involvement in the fracas. If he was challenged to brawl, Revere was the type of man who would run to others to get them to fight in his stead. Nonchalantly, Revere made his way out of the bar and disappeared into the night.

Franklyn crawled across the floor, feeling for his glasses. When he found them, he discovered that the lens had cracked horizontally. Ben thought about this. If he had different lenses, one for the top and one for the bottom, he could see far through the top and read through the bottom. Thus was born the idea for bi-focal glasses.

Samuel Adams kicked Benjamin Franklyn in the rear sending poor Ben's head into the bar rail. He was knocked out and would not resume consciousness for several hours. When he finally awoke, Ben worked out the details of the two ideas he had during the fight. And so we can thank Samuel Adams along with Ben Franklyn for the pot bellied stove and bi-focal glasses.

This ends our history lesson for today. Next time we will discuss how Ben came up with the notion to fly a kite in a thunderstorm. The end results are shocking.

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