Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Harriet and Ozzie

Harriet glares at her husband Ozzie while he is eating a bowl of ice cream.  He sees his wife is irate and says, "What?"

"When are you going to find a job?"  she demands through clenched teeth.

"Gee, dear, you know we're in the middle of a depression."

"It's a recession."

"That's what I meant..."

"And the recession is over.  The President says so."

"It may be over, but there still isn't any jobs."

"There's less and less people collecting unemployment.  There must be jobs."

"Not really, honey.  There's less people collecting unemployment because they are no longer eligible for benefits.  Not because they found jobs."

"Your sons have jobs!" declares Harriet.

Ozzie makes a face and says, "David is a lawyer.  If you can call that working.  He chases ambulances trying to get clients.  And all Ricky does, is sing and play guitar at school dances.  That's more of a hobby, not a job."

Harriet shouts back, "They are making money!  Don't you talk bad about them, Ozzie."

"I love 'em, you know I do.  And, yes, they do make money.  Of course, we never see it.  Ricky is always hitting me up for a few bucks until payday.  When is his payday anyway?  He's up to owing me around 5 or 6 thousand."

"Ricky is gonna be big in rock and roll."

"Rock and roll?" Ozzie says under his breath, " Crushing up a rock of coke and rolling it into a joint..."

"I heard that, Mister Smarty Pants!"

"Sorry, dear..."

"I'll "sorry, dear" you... right upside your head!  I told you not to talk bad about our boys."

Ozzie spoons another mouthful of ice cream.

Harriet tilts her head back and asks the ceiling, "Why did I ever marry this oaf?"

Ozzie says, ""Cause you love my lovin'."

Harriet looks at him and shakes her head no.

Ozzie, tired of bickering, opens his mouth and shows Harriet the ice cream inside. He says "I got ice cream tongue." and smiles teasingly.

Harriet's frustration has peaked and she begins to calm down.  Finally she shrugs her shoulders and takes Ozzie by the hand.  She says, "Maybe I can rent that tongue out to my bridge club."  and leads her husband upstairs.

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